the drugs don’t work

Annika

“There will be no need for crutches, the toe bone is held together with screws so it’s okay to walk on the foot.”

That’s what he said, my doctor, and since the foot really didn’t hurt yesterday I didn’t object.  In fact, I could walk a bit yesterday when the foot was numbed with all kinds of anaesthesia, but today??? Eh, I don’t think so. Would you want to walk on a broken toe?

I take the pills they gave me -they have beautiful, promising names like OxyContin and Tramadol, and they make me wonderfully relaxed but they only cut the worst pain.

I sure don’t feel like walking or even standing up, so I stay in bed with my foot on a pillow. I eat apples, read and sleep, and try to move as little as possible.  According to this article I should get better pretty soon though:

Screws provide increased stability when used to fixate bone cuts and most patients can return to full weight bearing and regular shoes in 3-4 weeks following the surgery.

Sounds good to me, but for the moment all I can think about is the excruciating pain in my foot.
What’s the time? Is it time for another pill soon?

before and after

Annika

before they saw my toe off

Annika

I was feeling irritated, tired, restless and stressed out all at once and for no reason. I tried to sleep, ate, took a bath, but to no avail. I had to do something. I got out of the tub, put some clothes on, and without a trace of makeup and with dripping wet hair I went out for a walk.

The air was warm and the wind was mild, and for the first time in almost a year I wore only a tank top, cropped pants and the trustworthy sandals that carried me on the streets of Rome last year. The first song that came streaming through my headphones was Malinconoia by Marco Masini, and I couldn’t help but smile, it somehow seemed so fitting.

I passed houses and horses and railways as I walked on. Nothing really existed except for the music in my ears, the wind in my face, and the rhythmic thumping of my feet against the ground. I was right there, right then, and I was spellbound by how my muscles moved automatically, how they just knew what to do all by themselves as if I had nothing to do with it.

I kept walking in a meditative state of mind, letting my feet decide where to go. I walked by my first school, a red building where I went for a month in 1986, and long forgotten memories flashed through my mind, of me and my classmates walking home from school, on this very road. I don’t remember their faces, but I can still hear our laughs.

All of a sudden I felt an urge to turn right, without knowing where that road would take me. I turned right and found myself on the backroad that leads to the house we lived in when I was little, the road we always walked to school. It’s fascinating how our body remembers things our mind has long forgotten. I would never have found that road had I consciously looked for it, but my feet knew the way. When I saw the white buildings I laughed. Was this the reason for my walk? Was my childhood home my goal? Why? Then I realized that this may be the one place where I actually feel like I have some kind of roots. Strange, because we moved away when I was 7 and I don’t have any family here, but somehow it seems as though my happiest childhood memories originate from when we lived here.

The music had changed to Gigi d’Alessio’s Baila, and although I didn’t dance I let the rhythm fill my body and my feet be light and swift as I turned homewards again. If Malinconoia described my feelings when I started to walk, Baila was just as appropriate now.

When I came home my hair was dry, my feet sore and blistered and my mind happy and cloudless.  Sometimes all it takes is some mindfulness and a brisk walk.

this too

Annika

Our official move-in date is now July 1st.

Thank you.

correction

Annika

Scusami, ovviamente ho voluto dire che la lente è sporca. Credevo che “lensuola” significa “lens”… ma oggi ho insegnato cosa significa “lenzuola”. Mi dispiace di sbagliare, il mio italiano non è molto bene!

Not that I think they care, and I think they understood what I meant anyway, but I just couldn’t make a mistake like that and let it be.  :oops:

And yeah, I know that I’m mixing tenses and making grammatical mistakes, and that’s fine and I will learn eventually, but I will not be too proud to use the dictionary again.

dirrrty, part 2

Annika

Da: Annika [mailto:annika@expatsinitaly.com]
Inviato: martedì 6 maggio 2008 18.13
A: info@lniamalfi.it
Oggetto: il webcam di Amalfi

Gentile Signore,

a me piace moltissimo il webcam di Amalfi, Piazza Duomo, ma… scusa, ma negli ultimi tempi la lensuola è stata sporca e l’immagine non è più così chiara e bella che prima.

Spero che qualcuno possa la pulire e mi far vedere ancora la città del mio cuore.

Grazie in anticipo!

cordiali saluti,

Annika

 
From: Lega Navale Italiana Sezione di AMALFI
To: ‘Annika’
Sent: Tuesday, May 06, 2008 7:47 PM
Subject: R: il webcam di Amalfi

Sarà pulita presto.

Grazie per le visite.

You know… I don’t really care if what I wrote was completely hideous pidgin Italian. I took a chance, I ventured out in a language I don’t know very well. The dirty lens was irritating me and so I did what I could: I wrote to them to ask if they could clean it. I wrote a short email on the subject, without checking the dictionary, without thinking twice, because that’s what I have to learn: To dare say things in a foreign language even when I’m not sure of the correct way to say it. The important part is to get the message through!

When in doubt, I remind myself of the Roman taxi driver that guided us from Termini to Stadio Olimpico. He, who didn’t speak a word English and who was so fascinated by the fact that a Swedish girl who had only been to Italy once before had managed to learn enough Italian to carry a conversation.

Sometimes I forget that learning a language just for fun isn’t something everybody does.

dirrrty

Annika

Amalfi Webcam

Could someone please grab a tissue and wipe the lens?!

the world’s worst wife, part 2

Annika

We’re switching to a new bank, and thus had to order new credit cards. This new bank gave us the option to use a personal picture on the cards.

- So, what picture did you choose? he asked.
I showed him my picture, a gorgeous photo of sunny Amalfi.
- I see, he said, pouting.
- What about you, then? I asked. What did you choose?
- A picture of you and me, of course!

Shit.

oh!

Annika

Remember how I told you that I’m going to get my foot fixed?

Today I got a letter from the hospital saying that they have scheduled my surgery for May 15th.

I am not at all prepared for this now. Not at all. Suddenly I feel scared. I have so much to do, and I haven’t yet decided whether it is good to get the surgery done now or if it’s better to wait.

When did May become early autumn?

je l’adore

Annika

For our 6th wedding anniversary he gave me a watercolor painting of Amalfi.

For our 7th wedding anniversary he gave me perfume, Dior J’adore.

I gave him nothing.

I feel so horrible. I must be the worst wife ever.