like Frankie said, I did it my way

I haven’t revealed many details as to why mom and I are having difficulties on this blog. Just rest assured that it goes way back, like 27 years back, and I have tried E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.  Breaking up with mom was a tough decision, and I tried to avoid it as long as I possibly could. We have talked and talked and talked and talked, and it just came to the point where I had absolutely nothing more to say, everything had already been said a hundred times.

As I was saying in a comment yesterday, I did reply to mom. I couldn’t make myself pick up the phone, because I know all too well that talking to her would be too difficult and we would most definitely start fighting again. However, I did send her a short reply and I did make a money transfer for the flowers.

Upon doing that, a rock fell off my chest. A rock that hadn’t been there until her friend called me, but it had been there ever since.

I’m not ready to make nice, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t behave like an adult.

I did the right thing.

3 Responses to “like Frankie said, I did it my way”

  1. Michelle says:

    I went about eight months without speaking to my mother. Finally, my grandmother stepped in and begged me to call my mother, and for grandma’s sake, I did. Since that eight-month “break up,” period we have never really fought again, but at the same time, living without a mother for all those months made me realize that in many ways I’ve ALWAYS lived without a mother,and I reached a certain sense of peace (or resignation) with being motherless and fatherless. Now I rarely fight with my mom because I view her less as a mom and more as a “semi-close relative” that I talk to quite frequently. My mom is not a bad person. But I don’t hold her to the standard of being a mom (because if I did, we’d start fighting again; all those years I was trying to get her to act like a mother and that’s just not her…) and thus we have a fairly superficial but comfortable relationship where we talk about TV shows and what’s in the gossip magazines. When something comes up that I would have taken her to task for in the past, now I just walk away. It’s hard but I do it. I’m not suggesting you break up with your mom forever but sometimes distance can give you a new perspective.

  2. Paola says:

    I feel the same toward my dad. I stopped talking to him for 2 years when I was younger (from the age of 15 to the age of 17) but of course this didn’t solve anything. After two years I had to talk to him again, like if nothing happened because I know that he would not understand me anyway. He just have his life and thinks about it, who cares about the past except me?

    You are lucky to have a husband and a son to think about, who love you and you love. I am afraid I’ll never be able to build my own family because I fear too much to be hurt again.

  3. Giulia says:

    I had a HUGE fight with my Father about 10 weeks before I was set to move to Italy. I was all ready to leave without even saying goodbye to him. That’s how much I was upset with him. My Husband tried to intervene from day one, but I wouldn’t budge. I felt what I felt and no matter what anyone said to me, I wasn’t going to change how I felt. Even through all of the painfull phone calls of my Mother crying & begging me to talk to my Father. You know what made me change my mind? My morbid mind, that’s what. All I kept thinking was what if our flight didn’t make it to Italy? What if I perished during that flight? I just couldn’t get past thinking how even more devastated my family would have been had I not come to terms with my Father. I couldn’t leave a memory behind like that. So, I made peace with him (and myself) and moved on. Thank goodness that we made it here safe and sound!We don’t have one of those tight Father/Daughter relationships… far from it. But, we’re civil with each other, and that’s enough for me. Nobody is going to be able to convince you to make up with your Mother until you are ready to. Time can be both your enemy, and your friend, but when it comes down to it, that’s what you need to sort it all out. Best of luck!

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