if not now, later

I am beginning to think that I won’t get the thing this time, and I’m surprisingly fine with it. If I don’t get it now I’ll get it later, there is no rush.

I want so many things, I want to do so much and all at once. I want Italy, I want to travel the world, I want to run my own salon and I want to become ridiculously successful on all accounts. I am willing to work hard and sacrifice a whole lot of shopping in order to fulfill my dreams – but wait! I’m not alone in this. I have a beloved husband who has supported me all along, who has taken on the major part of household duties and childcare so that I could go to school and work double shifts.

Could it be that this is his time to excel? For the first time in the ten years we’ve been together he has identified and outlined his dreams for the future. I think he is at a crossroads, that he is now where I was four years ago.

I think this might be my time to step back. It has all been about me and my dreams the last few years, mainly because he didn’t really have a dream to pursue. Well, now he does, and a damned good one at that. He deserves to be in the spotlight for once.

Ever since I first heard the expression if not now, when? I have lived by it, and it has proven to be a very effective way of getting things done. Often, the answer to that question is never. If I don’t do this now it will never be done. Well, in this case that is wrong. If I don’t do this now, I will do it later.

Nobody knows what tomorrow brings. The thing seemed perfect, but if I don’t get it I bet there’s a good reason. Remember the house situation two years ago? I had just discovered that I wanted to buy a house, found one for sale that seemed perfect and OH how I wanted it. Well, we couldn’t have it, and so I mourned for an hour or two. A year later we found this house which turned out to be even better for us and here we are now. Ergo, the thing that seems perfect today might actually not be so perfect after all, and if I don’t get it I am sure that an even better thing will turn up in due time. Maybe we’re not ready for it yet.

I am deeply serene with complete faith in fate. Good things come to those who wait, and the wait gives me more time to get prepared. To not rush is not the same as to not move at all.