Comments on: my confession http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/ my soul today is far away, sailing the Vesuvian bay Fri, 10 Sep 2010 08:18:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: anne http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/comment-page-1/#comment-11609 anne Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:47:49 +0000 http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/?p=871#comment-11609 I can relate to this post very much...I feel like an outsider, and my confidence is low...I feel like an outsider with people I have known for along time, and sometimes my family too!! But if it were not for my friends, I would be lost . I have also made friends through my blog, and met up with a few in Paris, they are amazing friends. I can relate to this post very much…I feel like an outsider, and my confidence is low…I feel like an outsider with people I have known for along time, and sometimes my family too!!

But if it were not for my friends, I would be lost . I have also made friends through my blog, and met up with a few in Paris, they are amazing friends.

]]> By: Em from Ribollita Reboiled http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/comment-page-1/#comment-11590 Em from Ribollita Reboiled Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:15:41 +0000 http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/?p=871#comment-11590 I am RIGHT THERE with you on this one. here is my take if you like: I heard this radio show once about honesty and being totally truthful. the psychologist interviewed gave an example that he and his wife had been invited to dinner at another couple's house and agreed to do it again, even though he really felt in that moment that he did not enjoy himself...he was bored, felt no connection to them. The couple kept inviting them and he kept lying to them that he was busy or would be out of town, but in the meantime he felt totally awful for lying and not being the friend they deserved. He realized however that it wasn't wrong to feel that way, to not want to spend time with them. So the next time they called, he told them the truth that he didn't have time for new friends and that any extra time would be spent with his children and the friends he already has. They were a little angry, but he felt a tremendous amount of relief. Now I am not saying go tell everyone to bugger off b.c you don't need any new people in your life. I am more saying that you'll know when it's time to have more social activity with a person and you don't have to feel obligated to do so. You are such a passionate person that perhaps superficial friendship just isn't satisfying? what's the point of those kinds of relationships? I really don't know... that was long! sorry! I am RIGHT THERE with you on this one. here is my take if you like: I heard this radio show once about honesty and being totally truthful.

the psychologist interviewed gave an example that he and his wife had been invited to dinner at another couple’s house and agreed to do it again, even though he really felt in that moment that he did not enjoy himself…he was bored, felt no connection to them. The couple kept inviting them and he kept lying to them that he was busy or would be out of town, but in the meantime he felt totally awful for lying and not being the friend they deserved. He realized however that it wasn’t wrong to feel that way, to not want to spend time with them. So the next time they called, he told them the truth that he didn’t have time for new friends and that any extra time would be spent with his children and the friends he already has. They were a little angry, but he felt a tremendous amount of relief.

Now I am not saying go tell everyone to bugger off b.c you don’t need any new people in your life. I am more saying that you’ll know when it’s time to have more social activity with a person and you don’t have to feel obligated to do so.

You are such a passionate person that perhaps superficial friendship just isn’t satisfying? what’s the point of those kinds of relationships? I really don’t know…

that was long! sorry!

]]> By: Alyson http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/comment-page-1/#comment-11588 Alyson Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:23:39 +0000 http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/?p=871#comment-11588 I'm with Mary on both counts! Plus the bit about people already having friends and they don't need your friendship...I feel that alot and have felt like the spare in a lot if friendships! I wonder though if it is our fault - I tend to be self-reliant, I have to be, and some people find this intimidating as we are obviously dependent on no-one! A strength and a weakness! I’m with Mary on both counts! Plus the bit about people already having friends and they don’t need your friendship…I feel that alot and have felt like the spare in a lot if friendships! I wonder though if it is our fault – I tend to be self-reliant, I have to be, and some people find this intimidating as we are obviously dependent on no-one! A strength and a weakness!

]]> By: John http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/comment-page-1/#comment-11582 John Thu, 26 Nov 2009 16:43:09 +0000 http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/?p=871#comment-11582 There is a lot to reply to in your note above. You said you are happy so that's what counts. We are not required to spend all our free time socializing, don't worry about it. By the time you get home from work you are probably tired of talking,/socializing even if it's not with friends you are burned out and just want to enjoy your home life. It's not that easy hanging out with friends when one works and has a family. It's not like you can just take off to the local coffee bar anytime you want to. I'm sorry you feel you have low self esteem because there is no excuse for it, you are an intelligent hard working person that seems to do just about everything right. I also know that it's very hard to overcome that feeling. You can though if you work on it. Remind yourself several times everyday that you are a beautiful, hardworking, intelligent, great person, mother and wife. Give yourself positive affirmations and get rid of the negative ones. I know it's always good to have dreams, and to look forward to time off vacations, etc. but I wish you would look around your home, your neighborhood and your city and find the things there that you enjoy. And yes maybe if you made more effort to connect with people you know you could more easily get out and have some fun. But that's only if you feel that you want to, you don't have to feel guilty if you don't. There is nothing wrong with enjoying being home in your own private space. There is a lot to reply to in your note above. You said you are happy so that’s what counts. We are not required to spend all our free time socializing, don’t worry about it. By the time you get home from work you are probably tired of talking,/socializing even if it’s not with friends you are burned out and just want to enjoy your home life. It’s not that easy hanging out with friends when one works and has a family. It’s not like you can just take off to the local coffee bar anytime you want to.

I’m sorry you feel you have low self esteem because there is no excuse for it, you are an intelligent hard working person that seems to do just about everything right. I also know that it’s very hard to overcome that feeling. You can though if you work on it. Remind yourself several times everyday that you are a beautiful, hardworking, intelligent, great person, mother and wife. Give yourself positive affirmations and get rid of the negative ones.

I know it’s always good to have dreams, and to look forward to time off vacations, etc. but I wish you would look around your home, your neighborhood and your city and find the things there that you enjoy. And yes maybe if you made more effort to connect with people you know you could more easily get out and have some fun. But that’s only if you feel that you want to, you don’t have to feel guilty if you don’t. There is nothing wrong with enjoying being home in your own private space.

]]> By: charlie http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/comment-page-1/#comment-11578 charlie Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:26:32 +0000 http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/?p=871#comment-11578 Ha, yeah, there's more chance of you actually arriving here to find I've given up and gone! Ha, yeah, there’s more chance of you actually arriving here to find I’ve given up and gone!

]]> By: Annika http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/comment-page-1/#comment-11575 Annika Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:20:24 +0000 http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/?p=871#comment-11575 Oh Charlie... dear, sweet, beloved Charlie. That brought me to tears. It sounds so wonderful. I really wish some day I will actually be there, and you'll all still be there too. Really, really wish that. Oh Charlie… dear, sweet, beloved Charlie. That brought me to tears. It sounds so wonderful. I really wish some day I will actually be there, and you’ll all still be there too. Really, really wish that.

]]> By: charlie http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/comment-page-1/#comment-11574 charlie Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:06:10 +0000 http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/?p=871#comment-11574 If you were here you wouldn't be allowed to be lazy, we'd sweep you up into friendship and not let you escape..we'd be calling round and lounging on your sofa, drinking your swedesh coffee, we'd be borrowing your son to keep our daughter entertained, we'd be swapping films and books, we'd be dragging you to the bar on friday nights for drinks and forcing you to hike in the mountains whenever we went. If you were here you wouldn’t be allowed to be lazy, we’d sweep you up into friendship and not let you escape..we’d be calling round and lounging on your sofa, drinking your swedesh coffee, we’d be borrowing your son to keep our daughter entertained, we’d be swapping films and books, we’d be dragging you to the bar on friday nights for drinks and forcing you to hike in the mountains whenever we went.

]]> By: Annika http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/comment-page-1/#comment-11572 Annika Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:14:03 +0000 http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/?p=871#comment-11572 Mary, it's a relief to hear that I'm not the only one! :) Laurie, sweetest woman in the world :) Tanti abbracci a te! Mary, it’s a relief to hear that I’m not the only one! :)

Laurie, sweetest woman in the world :) Tanti abbracci a te!

]]> By: Laurie http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/comment-page-1/#comment-11571 Laurie Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:00:06 +0000 http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/?p=871#comment-11571 Well, Annika, you're my friend, and a very dear one....though very far and we connect only una volta ogni tanto..... sending you hugs - Laurie Well, Annika, you’re my friend, and a very dear one….though very far and we connect only una volta ogni tanto…..

sending you hugs –

Laurie

]]> By: Mary http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/2009/11/22/my-confession/comment-page-1/#comment-11570 Mary Mon, 23 Nov 2009 10:25:41 +0000 http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/?p=871#comment-11570 I know exactly what you mean Annika. I could have written that post. Although maybe that's why it wasn't so hard for me to move to Italy. I know exactly what you mean Annika. I could have written that post. Although maybe that’s why it wasn’t so hard for me to move to Italy.

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