with all my heart

I keep training 4 days a week. After almost 4 months I have lost about 4 kilos, but it’s funny how my focus has changed lately. I’m not concerned about my weight anymore, despite still weighing 4 kilos more than my “goal weight”.

See, when I weighed 56-57 kilos I wasn’t fit. I had virtually no muscles.

Now, I do. I keep finding new muscles showing up in the most unexpected places: The outside of my thighs, my back, my shoulders. My arms. My always-too-thick-even-when-I-was-tiny arms. My shamefully weak arms that couldn’t ever manage even one single push-up with the knees off the floor. My arms have muscles now. My arms have definition and when I flex, they’re rock solid.  Today I made 10+5 push-ups on my toes. 

This is all new to me, and I am so in love with this whole fitness thing right now that I don’t even care about those last kilos anymore. That extra fat I still have on my upper thighs, I can’t be bothered to even think about it anymore. I know it will go away eventually. I will run it off.

In August I wrote:

let me tell you that I’m not friends with my body right now. It’s mushy and flabby in all the wrong places, and that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that I feel weak. My muscle tonus is bad, my stamina even worse. I avoid going upstairs if I can, because it makes me short of breath.

(…)

I want to get in shape, I want to be strong and fit. I’ve never been a gym rat before, but that’s not to say that I can’t become one now.

I am so, so, so proud of myself. It may not be the most politically correct thing to say, but I will say it anyway. I am crazy proud of myself for making these changes instead of surrendering to the situation and feeling sorry for myself.

I started off doing elliptical one day, recumbent bike the next, treadmill the third. A typical week now is weight lifting 2-3 days a week, treadmill 1-2 days a week. I couldn’t run much at all only a few months ago, today I ran 6 km in just under 35 minutes.

And I love it. That is new too. I love to challenge my body and watch it respond accordingly.

Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, says a fridge magnet of ours.

Today I put my heart into it so much that it showed on the outside.

I sweat a heart today.