I’ve had a really sucky weekend. I had my dog, Woody, put down. Woody was a 13 1/2 year old Poodle/Bichon mix. He was 95% blind, 85% deaf, 100% demented, and had severe skin allergies…but he was my 95% blind, 85% deaf, 100% demented dog with severe skin allergies, and I loved him. On top of those health issues, our last Vet visit uncovered the early stages of liver and kidney failure. Anyway, my intention when taking him to the vet was to get his shots updated, renew his heart worm medicine, and have follow up labs done to see how much the liver and kidney failure had progressed. We also had an appointment with the groomers for the works…wash, dry, cut, and teeth cleaning. Are appointment was for noon. Obviously, we never made it.

As I said, my intention was not to have Woody put down. I knew that Woody would not make it to Italy with me. First of all, I don’t think his Certificate of Health would have been signed. Secondly, even if he was cleared to fly I could have never put him in a cage, in the belly of a plane, for at least 10 hours. Woody’s dementia caused severe anxiety and he had a tendency to be inconsolable at times. He would just bark and bark, until he was hoarse. Knowing this, I tried to find someone who would take Woody when I left. Amazingly enough, Janice, a woman I work with, agreed to take Woody because she had been promising her grandson a dog. I explained that Woody was old and blind but that didn’t seem to be an issue. I suggested that she bring her grandson over to meet Woody after the weekend just to be sure it was a good fit. She agreed.

So, with this plan for Woody in place, I started out my Saturday. As I sat in the room with Woody waiting for the Vet my thoughts and fears started to creep in…thoughts and fears that needed to finally be acknowledged. I needed to be honest with myself for the sake of Woody. So when the Vet arrived and asked why I was there I just let it all out. I explained I was moving and what my plan was for Woody…then I started crying like a baby. Somehow, I managed to express to the Vet that even with this great opportunity for Woody to go to a loving home, I just couldn’t get comfortable with the whole idea. I didn’t feel right about leaving Woody with a little kid who I knew would get attached to a dog that didn’t have much time left. It didn’t seem fair to the kid. I also expressed that I thought it would be cruel to place Woody in a new environment, with new people, considering his increased level of confusion and anxiety. My only other option was to return him to the shelter I adopted him from because they are a “No Kill Shelter”. The only problem I had with that is I knew he wouldn’t be easily adopted, if at all.

With all of that said, the Vet took Woody out of the room and gave me time to sit and think about what I wanted to do. I sat, I thought, I cried, then I phoned friends for advice and support…then I just cried, and cried, and cried. I knew what I wanted to do, I just couldn’t believe I was going to do it…but I did. I held Woody in my arms as they gave him the injection that would finally console him. I held him and told him I loved him and asked for forgiveness and cried. He was at peace. After the Vet left the room I sat with Woody in my arms and finally remembered what it was like to just hold him and love him and feel his peace.

Woody is having a private cremation and will be coming to Italy after all.