I am from US, and married for 10 years to an Italian. We have been in Italy for most of that time.
I have a decent paying job, butworking for a foreign entity, and thus not paying into the Italian tax system. ie....decent take home pay. Unfortunately, due to recent changes in EU law, I will be required to pay full Italian taxes, thus taking my pay down by an appreciable amount.
I have the opportunity to work back in the US, less stress, more take home, good benefits (the current job has none), live by the beach with a much larger home (here in a small rental).  
ue to my work situation (working with a foreign company) getting a loan for a house will cost me from 40-50K Euro over the price of the house, and just doesn't make financial sense to me.
I think that I am trying to do what is best for my kids, and us, but my wife thinks that I am a spoiled American that just wants to return to the US, and drag her away from her home country.
I have been here for 10 years, and lets say that the Italian honeymoon has been over for some time. I have done everything possible to integrate, citizenship, drivers license, etc. When considering the level of living, quality of life, that we can have in the US, ease of living, etc, I think that it benefits the family. She, on the other hand, has only lived in the US for about 3 months, and refused to integrate, and mentions that even if forced to return will stay in the house, and not get a drivers license.
The effect of this new legislation will be a difference of paying over 20k more in taxes, and I still should pay into the US Social Security in order for me to have anything in retirement.
I hate airing this in public to strangers, but haven't been able to find any other form of counsel, and am a bit desperate.
I think I've come to discover that, above maintaining a household, raising kids, and saving a bit for retirement, money doesn't buy much happiness.
That said, if you're not happy, set aside the money question (if you can) and try to find an agreeable solution. Would moving be a more acceptable option when the kids reach a natural break in their schooling, or when they go to college? Would another part of Italy or of Europe be better? Would a couple more plane trips fix the problem? Would finding some more like minded expats help? If money really is a problem, what other options are there for increasing income (e.g. your spouse working) and/or reducing expenses (e.g. downsizing the housing, ditching a car, moving to a more affordable location)? Did you fully explore all the tax saving options?
I think anything that makes your situation better is the best soloution. I would imagine the US like here has its ups and downs but the working/living conditions here have become extremly difficult and while the US is no picnic at least you can always hope for a change if not every 4 years but at least there is light at the end of the tunnel. It is so expensive here compared to what we would spend living in the US for the same things and really its true that money isn't everything but the lack of it is very tiring and if you can make a better life in the US I wouldn't think that you are spoiled or selfish personally.
Io sono ancora qua
eh già
@BBC watcher. I will say that we live already a very modest life style. We have basic cars, and house. Money isn't everything to me, but I do have to calculate how many years I have to work, how much I can put away, how much I NEED to put away for my boys who are now very young, just in pre-school. While money isn't everything, it is difficult to put on a balance of not giving certain things to my family, because I am giving it to the Italian government, and getting nothing in return; just for the privilage to live in Italy. I have been here long enough to know the good and bad, and have live in various place around Italy. It truely can be a beautiful and sometime magical place to visit, but a very difficult to live and raise a family.
As concerns tax savings options, this is very difficult. Even the Agencia di Entrata doesn't understand what to do with us, other than to say....pay taxes. Accountants and lawyers have basically said, do whatever you can to stay hidden, or escape. Hard to sleep at night with that.
@AmyAmy. Thanks for your comments too. Yeah, I have been without money and with money, and know that it isn't everything, but also realize that to raise a family with as much as I can offer them.....ya need money in this world. Because you have some today doesn't mean you'll have it tomorrow. For what I can buy a nice house for my family to live in there, I can only buy a small apartment here. I hate apartment living, and it is hard for me to swallow putting that kind of a committment into an apartment. Maybe I am spoiled.
You have to go where you feel you will be better off, there is nothing selfish about that, in fact, it is being responsible and pragmatic. I doubt there will be any reduction in taxation in Italy as the fixed expenses of the state are just too high.
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You are a trooper! Beach house in the US? You're wife will most definitely be going outside. What is she so afraid of? Does she speak English? Does she have an awesome job in Italy?
It might work to take her on vacation there and let her pick the house.
But your wife disagrees?
That's not actually true. Your taxes support the streets and highways on which you drive your cars, the public health services your family receives, schools (probably), police and fire protection, airports and air traffic control (to fly to the U.S. and elsewhere), some public insurance protection against destitution, public transportation, and several other services that are likely relevant to your lives. While we may have ambivalent or negative feelings about government, "nothing" is hyperbole.
Yes, Italy generally has high taxes. But so does California compared to, say, Alaska. Yet tens of millions more people prefer living in California v. Alaska for a variety of reasons.
Anyway, what I'm driving at is that everybody already knew the taxes are probably higher in Italy, including your wife. That's not new information. So I think I can understand why your wife is nonplussed about it. However, if there are things she values that aren't available to her (and to the family) now, then it might make sense to move. In other words, what does $20K per annum mean in real terms? Why should/would she care about that number? What desirable, real world goals would that income help her achieve that she cannot achieve now?
You have tried living in Italy for ten years, and now, as your children are getting older, you feel that you can provide a better life for your family in the US. You are neither spoiled nor selfish.
Dear Joker,
I am an Italian-Canadian who has lived in Italy for 15 years come Feb. 28th (Happy anniversary to me....). My very Italian husband refuses to go to Canada despite the fact that I have lost my job at the ripe ole age of 51 and even tho' I'm trilingual, no one wants to give a 50-yr old woman with a 10-year old son, a job in Italy...I may as well be dead to the working world. My husband does not speak a word of English or French, and I am sure that his fear is that HE won't be able to find a job in Canada because of this. His profession is well in demand in Canada (Industrial chemist), but that doesn't convince him either. I am sure your wife's fears are much the same, and most Italian women, in my very personal opinion, are very very attached to their families of origin. More than one of my former female colleagues told me that they would never be able to move away from their family even though they had a new family (with or without children).
You have to try to mediate with your wife, I am sure in the long run, your kids would fare much better in the US than in Italy. The kids are in pre-school, the perfect time for them to integrate and learn a new language (if they don't speak English yet).
Having said that, I obtained Canadian citizenship for my son with the intent to send him to Canada for his college / university studies (...and if the Italian schools continue to go down the drain like they are...I may have to consider senior high school as well...).
Keep us posted on the final decision, money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys lots of stuff like proper medical care and a good education...and so many other things that even in Italy you cannot afford if you don't have a good paying job.
@bbc.....well,yes you are right I did exagerate a bit when I said 'nothing', it wasn't meant to be so literal. I know that EVERY government provides 'something' whether one pays taxes or not. Probably what I should say is that what is provided to me, up and above the aplorable roads, and the corrupt police services, offer a poor value. What I was mostly refering to was the retirement and medical system. I don't use either (I continue to pay private medical insurance), and paying either one doesn't benefit me. That is just to clairify, and not to derail my initial questions. I am not trying to be sarcastic, as I do appreciate your input.
@Emily...thanks, but I try to explain the school situation, Not interested. We lived on the beach in florida in the past, but Not interested.
@clai_atty82.....Yes she does speak English, is not employed here though she is a lawyer. I have demonstrated a program in the US that will allow her to be US barred within 2-3 years, with the probability of exceeding my pay in the first year. Not interested. She just wants to stay here, work part-time for a small law firm (whether she makes money or not), and stay close to family.
Oh, and please, before anyone says something about knowing this before marriage.........we've been married 10 years....things evolve.
As a lawyer, your wife should understand the concept of compromise in negotiated settlements.
This is a life altering decision for your family, and something that important needs to be discussed logically with as little emotion as possible. List all the positives and negatives that would result from a move. Then do the same for staying in Italy. I'm guessing that the first positive on the second list would be proximity to your wife's family. But as important as this is, it should not be the deciding factor; the emotional, physical and financial well being of the entire family must be considered, but primarily the well being of your children.
Your wife is satisfied with the status quo; you want something more. Ultimately one of you will have to sacrifice his/her own desires to do what is best for the family. That's why a well thought out listing of benefits and negative impacts would be helpful.
I should point out that there is not a thriving market for lawyers in the US. Law schools have been pumping out lawyers to such a great extent that the job market has become saturated. This has actually caused a substantial drop in law school applications in the past year. With an international background, your wife may find that her skills are much in demand, but you'll need to do some research on job prospects.
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